From the Drafts: Spam names

This is part of my “unfinished excellence from the depths of my drafts folder” series.  Enjoy!

I used to get the BEST spam names in my gmail folder.  Periodically, I would just go through them because the made me laugh and laugh, and occasionally one stood out enough for me to put into a blog post that I was going to eventually make…in 2007.  Literally, the last time I edited this before today was March 17th, 2007.  So, here it is in it’s unfinished glory.  I assume they were all to have stories, but alas, we are left to ponder the mystery!   All I can say is thank god that Eon D. Cupcakes was released from the bowels of my Drafts folder!

________

Norse T. Eyebrows

Englebart Curry – I actually went to high school with a Curry.  I wonder if he is related?

Gerardo MacMullen – I’ve invented some elaborate story about how his father, a burly bekilted Scotsman, left the craggy highlands near Loch Lommond in search of a cure for his beloved sheep, MacFluffah, who had a terrible case of wool crimp (in which the wool grows crinkled instead of curled. MacFluffah was constantly made fun of by the other sheep for having sub-par wool growth, and had to seek company with the goats and with Daddy McMullen, who kept him as a pet). He sought the cure all over the world, eventually ending up in the mountains of Patagonia, having heard from a blind soothsayer he met in a tango bar in Sao Paulo that the natives of that area have invented such a cure for the Alapacas who are raised in that area. While there, he did in fact find a cure for MacFluffah, as well as a cure for his lonely Scottish heart in the form of a daughter of Spanish missionaries- Esmerelda. Gerardo is their only son.

Ola Crowwell – I’m pretty sure I have a great great grandmother with this same name.

Tempos L. Doormat

Dag Black – This is one of those “Max Power” sorts of names.  It sounds like the sports reporter on a local CBS affiliate who was crazy hot in the 80s but now just looks over-tanned and sad.  Like: “Wow, Dag Black really looks rough these days.  Remember that time that Mitzy made out with him in the bathroom of that TGI Friday’s?”

Carpetbagging E. Stromboli (seriously!) – That GODDAMN Stromboli!  Coming down here with his ideas of equality and freedom!  We oughtta take ’em down by the crick and tan his hide!

Wiggling D. Seminarian – Personally, I prefer my seminarians with extra wiggle.
Brashness O. Ruffling, in the meantime, wrote me an email with this intriguing title: “on marshmellow on auditorium” which I chose to read as “On Marshmellow! On Auditorium!” like I was calling out to my faithful reindeer to mush on, so that I could deliver presents to all of the good children of the world.

Gobnata Leclaire – Doesn’t this sound like a name in Harry Potter?  Like an evil cousin of the Malfoys?  Maybe that is where JK Rowling comes up with her creative names.

Eon D. Cupcake

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Julie H. on August 31, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    Carpetbagging E. Stromboli! Nice!!!

    Reply

  2. Posted by Ezra on September 1, 2009 at 1:05 am

    The Gerardo story scares me a little. Simply because it seems like you really put a lot of effort into it. Dag Black sounds less like a sportscaster to me, and more like a beat reporter from the 40s.

    My real comment — what the hell kind of spam are you getting? I never get any names like this in my spam folder. It’s all penis pills, free college degrees without classes, and email about the bank account update I need to check on at the bank that I’ve never had an account at. You must be into some weird stuff up there in New England.

    Reply

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