This is part of my “unfinished excellence from the depths of my drafts folder” series. Enjoy!
I used to get the BEST spam names in my gmail folder. Periodically, I would just go through them because the made me laugh and laugh, and occasionally one stood out enough for me to put into a blog post that I was going to eventually make…in 2007. Literally, the last time I edited this before today was March 17th, 2007. So, here it is in it’s unfinished glory. I assume they were all to have stories, but alas, we are left to ponder the mystery! All I can say is thank god that Eon D. Cupcakes was released from the bowels of my Drafts folder!
Norse T. Eyebrows –
Englebart Curry – I actually went to high school with a Curry. I wonder if he is related?
Gerardo MacMullen – I’ve invented some elaborate story about how his father, a burly bekilted Scotsman, left the craggy highlands near Loch Lommond in search of a cure for his beloved sheep, MacFluffah, who had a terrible case of wool crimp (in which the wool grows crinkled instead of curled. MacFluffah was constantly made fun of by the other sheep for having sub-par wool growth, and had to seek company with the goats and with Daddy McMullen, who kept him as a pet). He sought the cure all over the world, eventually ending up in the mountains of Patagonia, having heard from a blind soothsayer he met in a tango bar in Sao Paulo that the natives of that area have invented such a cure for the Alapacas who are raised in that area. While there, he did in fact find a cure for MacFluffah, as well as a cure for his lonely Scottish heart in the form of a daughter of Spanish missionaries- Esmerelda. Gerardo is their only son.
Ola Crowwell – I’m pretty sure I have a great great grandmother with this same name.
Tempos L. Doormat
Dag Black – This is one of those “Max Power” sorts of names. It sounds like the sports reporter on a local CBS affiliate who was crazy hot in the 80s but now just looks over-tanned and sad. Like: “Wow, Dag Black really looks rough these days. Remember that time that Mitzy made out with him in the bathroom of that TGI Friday’s?”
Carpetbagging E. Stromboli (seriously!) – That GODDAMN Stromboli! Coming down here with his ideas of equality and freedom! We oughtta take ’em down by the crick and tan his hide!
Wiggling D. Seminarian – Personally, I prefer my seminarians with extra wiggle.
Brashness O. Ruffling, in the meantime, wrote me an email with this intriguing title: “on marshmellow on auditorium” which I chose to read as “On Marshmellow! On Auditorium!” like I was calling out to my faithful reindeer to mush on, so that I could deliver presents to all of the good children of the world.
Gobnata Leclaire – Doesn’t this sound like a name in Harry Potter? Like an evil cousin of the Malfoys? Maybe that is where JK Rowling comes up with her creative names.
Eon D. Cupcake