So I had a post all written out. It was long, too. It was all about my adventures taking the commuter rail into Boston on Friday dressed up in my big girl suit for an interview with a big Federal agency, and then spending the weekend in Saratoga NY at a big reenactment. I was also going to tell you about our wonderful trip home on Monday when we drove through the mountains of Vermont stopping at every general store and antiques shop that struck our fancy. I was also going to tell you about picking a bushel of apples in upstate New York OFF THE TREES. It was so incredibly fun and fally and New Englandy and y’all were going to be so impressed with my mad apple pickin’ skills.
Then yesterday I set out to cut up some of those delicious, perfect apples with my brand new sharp-as-all-hell knife. On the VERY FIRST APPLE I slipped and sliced into my thumb. Before I had time to lose my shit, I looked into the gaping wound and thought to myself: “how odd. I’m actually looking into my thumb. I wonder what those stringy white things are.” At the emergency room and hour later, they informed me that those stringy white things were tendons, which I had severed. “Ah Ha!” Says I, “No wonder I can no longer move my thumb.”
So now I’m all trussed up, and sometime tomorrow I get to consult with a hand SURGEON to see what needs to be done.
Fucking New York apples. This is what I get for trying to embrace New England! And now I have a damn bushel of apples sitting in my kitchen that I am afraid to even LOOK AT. Oh, and the best part is, when we got home from the hospital, Pete picked up the apple I had been cutting (and left sitting on the counter) and ATE IT. He ate my severed thumb apple!
Well, at least I know we bought good knives. Their new add campaign should be, “So sharp, they’ll cut clean through your apple AND your thumb.”