An actual IM conversation I had last night (Names changed to protect the innocent)
Me: I’m actually about to go out, blah.
Her: It’s st. patrick’s day, of course you’re going out!
Me: yeah, but I hate hate hate st patrick’s day, and I already said on my blog that I wasn’t going out! And yet, here I am, wearing a green shirt*, and a-goin’ out.
Her: you have betrayed your readers’ trust!
Me: I know!
Me: I should be stoned to death!
Her: what is the Irish preferred form of murder?
Me: bloody civil wars?
Me: Bar fights?
Her: I like it
Her: instead of being stoned to death, you should be killed in a bar fight
*yes, an actual green shirt. I’m a poser.
As you can see fair readers, I am a hypocrite. I humbly apologize for going out, despite my best intentions to fight the draw that is drunken revelry. I just couldn’t help it! My roommate wanted to go out for just one beer (hahaha!) and she was bringing along one of her friends who is HILARIOUS and full of redneck adventure stories (people always assume that since I’m from Alabama, I’m always ready with a story to shock and amaze people, but I’ve got nothing on someone raised in the backwoods of S.C.) (I shit you not, he actually told me stories about catching snapping turtles on the side of the road, throwing them in the back of the truck, and eating those little bastards! Damn, I love South Carolina). How could I deny myself such a candid adventure? How?
PLUS! Just a few hours earlier, I bought the cutest green shirt, and so suddenly I had an excuse to wear it. And it’s so cute! And green! Like a snapping turtle!
(sorry about that there, my flash wasn’t working)
And I promise, I only drank good ENGLISH beer, just to spite our waiter who was wearing a shirt that said “I [shamrock] Guinness.” But he had cute glasses, so I still left him a good tip. Here’s our good beer (and that’s a Bass I’m holding in the first picture):
And the good news is, I didn’t get killed in a bar fight! But, I did see 3 girls fall down, a guy try to fight with a bush and then collapse into it after he screamed onto the phone that his girlfriend was “A WHITE TRASH BITCH, GOD!” , and someone throw up into a green plastic bowler hat! Maybe I like St. Patrick’s day after all.