First of all, I think I may die of a drug overdose. Did you know that the correct dose of Advil is not, in fact, 3 or 4 pills every 3ish hours? Oh no. In fact, it is 1 or 2 pills every 4-6 hours. I have now taken 9 Advils since about 7:30 this morning. How is it possible that I have lived to 24 without knowing the dosing quantities of such a common drug? Were those Tylenol commercials that said: “Stop. Think. Tylenol.” actually talking to me? And here I go ignoring them.
Also, I have been mixing said Advil with a large quantity of (EXPIRED) DayQuil. I have these horrors that they are going to have some reaction in my system. Like remember on Grey’s Anatomy when that cancer girl was taking herbal suppliments? And then the suppliments reacted with the Chemo blood? And then she became like a walking (or wheeling) toxic waste dump? And her putrid, radiation-infused blood was poisoning all the doctors who were trying to help her? And then it almost tore apart George and Callie’s fragile, yet charming new marriage? I don’t want that one my conscious! I’m all for being a chemical lab and such, but I don’t want to hurt any rocky marriages!
What the hell am I talking about here? Oh yeah, my cough drops. This morning I stopped by the grocery story and bought my organge juice and a big bag of Ricola drops (Now with more horehound! because everyone needs a little hore in their life!). Now at the bottom of this packaging, in bold, orange letters is the encouraging statement: “FROM SWITZERLAND.” I don’t know about you, but I am emboldended that the sweet aroma of herbs grown in the rocky soils of a country that swears by neutrality, chocolate, and clean train stations. Kudos to them for coming out and saying what I should be especially pleased with. I like to know the political backgrounds of my medications. Yes, its lovely that you are natural, Ricola, but tell me, what is your stance on an international coalition to promote CO2 emissions standards among developing countries? But see, those genius Swiss beat me to the question! For it is stated so clearly: From Switzerland.
I think we all need these bottom lines. That way we can wade through all the garbage and just come right out and say what we’re all about.
Like me, for example:
Full of Snot
Raised in the Woods of Alabama
No Patience for Poor Grammar
Think of how much better everything would be!